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Month: October 2011

“Trust Me, I’m Dr. Ozzy: Advice from Rock’s Ultimate Survivor” by Ozzy Osbourne

“Trust Me, I’m Dr. Ozzy: Advice from Rock’s Ultimate Survivor” by Ozzy Osbourne

c.2011, Grand Central Publishing
$26.99 / $29.99 Canada
274 pages



You can feel it down to your bones.

You’ve got a pain in the neck, for one thing. No, not that kind – a real pain in the neck and it’s not going away.  Work has been a headache – literally – and your feelings are a little bruised. Maybe it’s all because you fell head over heels in love and broke your heart on a few sharp words.

It happens, you know.

Perhaps it’s time to seek counsel. Perhaps it’s time to grab “Trust Me, I’m Dr. Ozzy: Advice from Rock’s Ultimate Survivor” by Ozzy Osbourne, and get an opinion from a doc that rocks.

When someone has endured 40 straight years of drinking and drug-taking, has lived through a few car-crashes, and has returned from the dead at least once, you’d expect him to know a thing or two about survival, right?  That’s Ozzy Osbourne, who was approached a few years ago by a bloke who asked if Osbourne would write an advice column.

Osbourne was surprised, but decided to give it a go. He is, after all, an anomaly: until recently, doctors didn’t know how he withstood four solid decades under the influence. The fact that he survived surely qualifies him as advice-giver.

Doesn’t it?

Anyhow, once a week, someone rings him up and he dictates his column over the phone. He never even has to leave the house.  But “To be honest with you,” he says, “I can… hardly believe the stuff people write to me about.”

In this book, the Doctor is In, offering common-sense advice on eating and dieting, addictions, additives, and the avoidance of cocaine in a diet plan. He explains how children “aren’t that much different from rock stars.” He tells how doctors discovered his secret for survival and what he learned about himself.

But Osbourne doesn’t stop at the physical. He tackles the subject of bullying and gives a young boy useful counsel. He questions why Americans don’t have better health care. He advocates treatment for depression and offers blunt truth about the side-effects of medication. He strongly urges readers to avoid drugs, and then rock’s Prince of Darkness talks about aging and the final, ultimate trip.

Okay, I scoffed when I got this book.

Ozzy? Advice?  Can you blend the two?

As it turns out, yes!  I was absolutely, delightfully surprised by the real advice in this book. Real, useful advice with thoughtful answers and the words “see your GP” in a healthy amount of entries. And if author Ozzy Osbourne didn’t have a genuine answer to a question, he danced around the subject and made me laugh.

I so enjoyed this book, in fact, that I found myself reading bits of it to everybody nearby. It’s funny, it’s classic Ozzy, it’s profane, and it’s educational in a strange, strange way.

Admittedly, this book won’t be the first place to check if you need real help, but if you’re looking for tongue-in-cheek (and semi-informative) advice, see this doctor. For you, “Trust Me, I’m Dr. Ozzy” will tickle your funny bone.

Terri Schlichenmeyer is based in Wisconsin.

Jobless rate keeps rising

Of the Keizertimes

The local jobless rate continued its rise in September, inching up to 10.2 percent.

Statistics released for the Salem metropolitan statistical area show the seasonally adjusted jobless rate is up slightly from its August revised rate of 10.1 percent.

It’s more than a half-point higher than the statewide seasonally adjusted rate of 9.6 percent, and Worksource Oregon reports nonfarm employment has fallen 6,400 jobs in the past 12 months, with an estimated 18,108 Marion and Polk county residents unemployed.

The local economy has lost more than 16,000 jobs since the pre-recession employment peak in April 2008.

Keizer is part of the Salem MSA.

Private non-farm employment has fallen by 2,700 jobs in the past 12 months, with public sector employment dropping 3,700 positions. Educational and health services gained 300 jobs in the past year, with manufacturing dropping 1,800 jobs.

September’s employment gain was just 300 jobs; Regional Economist Pat O’Connor said the job market typically grows about 1,730 jobs between August and September.

In key sectors:

• Construction fell 200 jobs, with flat growth in the past 12 months.

• Retail trade fell by 100 jobs in September.

• State government shed 200 positions, while local government added 700 jobs.

UPDATE: Three arrested in SE Keizer shooting

Three men were arrested early Saturday morning on conspiracy and weapons charges after they apparently returned to the scene of a Friday night shooting.

A vehicle reportedly tied to the incident had returned to the Partridge Lane Apartments shortly after investigators had completed processing the crime scene there. Officers had been investigating what was called a “gang fight.” Witnesses reported a gunshot at about 8:52 p.m., and seeing at least 30 people fleeing the scene immediately afterwards. One person, a 20-year-old man who lives at the apartments, was treated for what KPD Capt. Jeff Kuhns called a non-life threatening gunfire-related injury.

At about 2:13 a.m. Saturday morning Sgt. Andrew Copeland located the vehicle, a green 1996 Plymouth Voyager mini-van, and stopped it near the intersection of Hyacinth Street NE and 25th Street NE in Salem.

Arrested were:

– Hector Flores, 18, Gervais, conspiracy to commit assault and parole violation.

– Jose Emanuel Patrico, 20, Keizer, conspiracy to commit assault, unlawful possession of a short-barrel firearm, reckless endangering and unlawful use of a weapon.

– Fermin Flores-Bautista, 21, Gervais, conspiracy to commit assault, unlawful possession of a firearm and second-degree assault.

Suspected abuser caught while fleeing on boat

T. Webb

A Keizer man wanted on sex abuse charges was arrested on the Columbia River while fleeing authorities in a sailboat.

Evidence found on board the boat led authorities to think the suspect was leaving the area for a while, according to Oregon State Police Lt. Gregg Hastings.

“He had quite a large amount of clothing, money and numerous credit cards that were on the boat with him,” Hastings said.

Keizer Police Det. Ben Howden had traveled to Vancouver, Wash. to locate a Keizer resident wanted for abusing a juvenile female. The suspect and victim knew each other, said Keizer Police Capt. Jeff Kuhns.

“The abuse, the best I can tell you, is something that’s been going on the past several years,” Kuhns said.

While in Vancouver Howden learned the suspect may be in St. Helens, where his sailboat was docked. St. Helens Police responded, saw the boat was gone and notified OSP.

OSP Fish and Wildlife Trooper Chris Boeholt and Trooper Adam Shimer were checking sturgeon anglers in the area and spotted the boat near Goble, an unincorporated Oregon community about 12 miles downstream from St. Helens.

Troopers pulled the boat alongside the 27-foot Catalina sailboat the suspect was operating, confirmed his identity and arrested him without further incident.

“Often suspects flee on foot, in motor vehicles or on motorcycles,” Kuhns said. “But not in sailboats.”

Arrested was Thomas Leroy Webb, 49, of Keizer, for two counts each of first-degree rape, sodomy and sex abuse. He is currently in the Columbia County Jail pending transport back to Marion County.

Pops passes down piping tradition

Rick Johnston, center learned how to play bagpipes from his father-in-law; now he’s teaching the art to his sons, Charles (left), and Robbie. (KEIZERTIMES/Jason Cox)

Of the Keizertimes

It’s never a bad idea to find a common interest with your wife and father-in-law.

Now Rick Johnston is passing along a tradition of Scottish pipe and dance to his sons, both of whom have joined him in a local bagpiping group.

Rick and sons Charles, 17, and Robbie, 14, are performing in this weekend’s Kirkin of the Tartans service at First Presbyterian Church in Salem. The service honors the Scottish tradition in the church.

“It’s kind of a blending of the Scottish heritage and the Presbyterian faith,” said Johnston, who lives with his family in west Keizer.

He’s been playing bagpipes for a little more than 10 years now; he said his interest began in earnest around the time Braveheart was released on DVD. Starring Mel Gibson, the film tells the story of Scotland’s first war of independence.

Father-in-law Jim Macpherson played the pipes, and the whole family got into the scene. Johnston’s wife, Janet, was a competitive Highland dancer, as were her sisters, and his son is a drummer.

Johnston was sitting on Macpherson’s couch watching the movie and playing around with a recorder-like instrument – “he kinda roped me into it,” Johnston said.

He played on a practice chanter – a reed instrument beginners learn on and more experienced pipers use them to hone their craft. But that wouldn’t do for long – after all, Macpherson told Johnston, “you don’t play a practice chanter. You practice on the practice chanter” – so he picked up his own set of pipes and never looked back.

He’s now the pipe major for the Oregon State Defense Force Pipe Band, a group with roots in the Oregon National Guard Reserve. They regularly perform in parades and other community events, and along with other Oregon pipe bands played at former President Ronald Reagan’s 1981 inaugural parade in Washington, D.C.

They perform at 15-20 events per year, including a Memorial Day celebration at Cityview Cemetery, and the Albany Veterans Day Parade.

As the Defense Force band’s pipe major, it’s Johnston’s job to act as a conductor of sorts – as well as delegate. For example, someone else tunes the instruments before each performance.

They have an informal practice once a week at Porter’s Pub in Keizer. You’ll note the lack of full drums and bagpipes.

The bagpipes are not a quiet instrument. Johnston plays his practice chanter daily, and when competitions are coming up he plays the pipes three to four times a week. His favorite practice spot? The bathroom.

“If you’re inside you can hear someone playing, but it wouldn’t travel more than a quarter of a block,” Johnston said. “If you play outside, that’s something else.”

It’s that unmistakable sound that makes bagpipes so popular at both weddings and funerals. Johnston frequently takes solo bookings at both.

“We generally play at the best of times and the worst of times,” he said. “We play when they’re having strong emotions, and it’s important to help people celebrate, or help them grieve.

“I used to just play because it was kind of a job – someone needs a piper, I get dressed up and go play,” he said. “I was at a funeral playing Amazing Grace and the family was just bawling, and at that point something hit me – there’s something else going on here. They are needing something at that time. I realized I had the ability to provide that for them.”

And the kilt is inseparable from the bagpipes, he said.

“My father-in-law told me there’s many traditions in piping, and one of the most important is that the pipes are never played publicly without wearing the kilt,” Johnston said. “There’s a strong association between Scottish heritage and the pipes, and as pipers there’s certain things we want to maintain.”

In fact, it’s expected.

“That’s what people want,” he said. “You show up at a funeral or a wedding, it’s not just the music. There’s a look, a certain deportment and Highland attire they expect. … We’re there to serve a purpose and we want to look the part.”

Yes, but how does that tradition go over with his teenage boys?

“Not my favorite,” Charles said. “But it’s a tradition, so you kind of have to deal with it.”

Younger brother Robbie doesn’t mind the kilt anymore – “it’s not like girls are gonna wear this down the street. But I can’t stand the hat.”

Despite their skepticism at the uniform the boys have embraced performing. Charles said his dad inspired him, much like Rick’s father-in-law pushed him.

His daughters have the musical gene too; Heather played clarinet until age 18 while his youngest, Jenna, plays piano.

McNary, McKay clash in final league game

Celt Cody Bond slings Oly John Marshall to the ground in the game last week. (KEIZERTIMES/Eric A. Howald)

Of the Keizertimes

Looking at its win-loss record, it might seem as though the McNary High School varsity football team will make easy work of the McKay Royal Scots (0-4) this week, but those numbers can be deceiving.

Despite struggles, the Royal Scots have proven time and again they show up to play and 300-plus yard nights on the rushing game are not out of the ordinary. The Celts meet the Royal Scots on the gridiron Friday, Oct. 28, at McKay.

“Our kids’ work ethic has been outstanding. There’s no quit in this group. They’ve been fighting hard and practicing to win every week,” said Jay Minyard, McKay head coach.

Royal Scot Tyler Gonzales led his team with 118 yards on 16 carries last week despite a 62-34 loss to South Salem High School. Quarterback Alex Emerson piled up 100 yards running on option plays and chalked up two touchdowns.

“Alex has come a long way over the past couple of years and, as a leader, he’s been outstanding on the sidelines keeping everybody’s heads in the game,” Minyard said.

Minyard will be looking for his team to keep ahead of McNary’s receivers on the field.

The Celts will be looking to mix it up coming off its first conference win, 27-26 over Sprague High School.

“We’re super-jacked about it and we we feel like we can carry that through McKay and into our play-in game,” said Celt Corey White, a senior.

Coach Rick Ward expected quarterbacks Justin Burgess and D.J. Harryman to share shotcalling duties while Burgess takes on other roles in the offense and defense.

“Justin is a really good athlete and wherever he is on the field creates something for the other team to adapt to, especially when you add him as a receiver alongside Garren Robinett and Justin Gardner,” Ward said.

While the Celts have allowed fewer big plays with each game of the season, Celt Austin Hejny felt like the team had finally come into its own.

“They put up a lot of rushing yards, but we can minimize those yards with our defense, destroy their run game and force them to pass. They’ll crack under pressure and throw interceptions,” he said.

While the team was trying not to count its wins before they’re hatched, it was clear they appreciated the breather earned in the win.

“That last win gets us ready for the rest of the season and will make us work harder. I know we can stop McKay,” said Celt Mason Ross.

Homecoming Court 2011

Photo by Bob Palmer of


McNary High School’s homecoming court gathers for a photo last Friday. This year’s court comprises of: Freshmen Zoe Arnsmeier, Naomi McDonnell, Austin Curtis & Chance Clark;  Sophomores Bonnie Kerr, Lexi Price, Hunter Bomar, & Hayden Gosling;  Juniors Elizabeth John, Teresa Peterson, Kelly Cowan, & Cole Flanigan; Seniors are Beth Bello, Stefani Kephart, Camile Nelson, Averi Wing, Trevor Braun, DJ Harryman, Edgar Jimenez, & AJ Martinez.

Live within budget: no on 24-324


Most of you are hopefully aware there is a measure on the ballot for the Nov. 8 election proposing to amend the city charter and impose a $4.86 per month tax on every residential dwelling unit and non-residential unit in the city limits to pay for public safety communications.  That’s $4.86 on every home, office, apartment or other building or living space in Keizer. There are several points I’d like to make about this tax.

Let me start by stating I support law enforcement and public safety.  I believe having adequate protection in place is important for a healthy, safe community.  But Keizer already has adequate protection and is a safe place to live and brings me to my first point.

Voting no on this measure will not change your 911 service at all.  

Even the proponents of this tax admit that fact.  Your 911 service is not going anywhere.  You will still be able to call for police, fire and ambulance service when you need it and they will show up to help you.  Nothing will change if you vote against this new tax.

The proponents also admit people in Keizer are hurting right now because of high unemployment or lost income.  This brings me to my second point:

We can’t afford another new tax right now.

People are hurting.  They are having trouble making ends meet, paying their mortgage or rent and putting food on the table.  Unemployment figures are still high and show no signs of getting better.  Oregon is in the middle of one of the worst recessions since the Great Depression and families are suffering.  The people of Keizer are living within their budgets, they have to and so should city government.

And that’s my third point: The City of Keizer needs to learn to live within the budget they have and either cut spending or be more efficient with the tax dollars they already collect.

Because once this tax passes, the city council can raise the fee every year after the first five years.  Sure, they have to hold meetings and listen to testimony but they did that this time and still passed a new tax.

So how much will this cost the citizens of Keizer?  Proponents of this measure are estimating they will raise over $837,000 per year because of this tax supposedly for public safety communication.

But we don’t really know exactly how this money will be spent or on what specifically.  Even worse, if this tax passes, the city will need to create even more bureaucracy to assess, collect and enforce this new tax.

How much of your hard-earned money will be spent on higher labor costs; costs that are already bankrupting smaller Oregon cities?  That money won’t be spent making your 911 service any better.

That brings me to my fourth point:  Public safety is too important and shouldn’t be used to prey on people’s fears.

We’ve seen this with other issues before – “It’s for the children.”

It’s really for the higher wages and benefits but if they told you that, you would never vote for it.  This tax is being used to try and scare you into believing you will lose your 911 service if you don’t vote yes.  That’s not true—nothing will change about your 911 service if you vote no.

My final point is one of fairness.

This tax unfairly targets senior citizens and senior assisted living facilities and housing since it’s based on individual living units.

Seniors who live in assisted living facilities are often living on a fixed income.  This tax will be imposed on each individual living unit in these facilities, not just the building.  Seniors have been among the hardest hit in this economy and this tax, intentionally or not, will unfairly impact seniors.

Please join me in voting no because we can’t afford higher taxes for the same 911 service we are already getting.

Tim C. Smith lives in Keizer.

It’s just not right


I am writing this in support of Roland Herrera, a 19-year employee of the city of Keizer.

I first became acquainted with Roland in 1987. That was my first year in Keizer Little League with my oldest son. Those years in Little League were some of our finest because we were all part of Little League’s great history!

I was working on the Little League fields one day and I heard this voice say, “Do you need some help?”  It was one of those voices that once you hear it you remember it forever. This raspy voice turned out to be the voice that everyone has come to know, Roland Herrera, one of the truly great people I have ever known.

Back in those days there were 1,300 kids playing Little League and everyone was trying to beat the Rangers in the majors. Two teams that had the best chance were the Yankees, my son’s team, and of course the team Roland coached, the Twins. When you heard “That guy was the first one here and the last one to leave” you knew whom they were talking about. That’s right, Roland.

As these years have passed and all of our kids have grown up, not many of us are deep into youth sports anymore but this one guy. Yep, it’s Roland. I think he has done more for Keizer youth sports than anyone. I bet he has coached more teams whether it is baseball, soccer, basketball, and had an impact on more young people than anyone else in Keizer. Roland Herrera is the real deal.

He cares about what’s important and he does what’s right. If you don’t believe me did you know he won Keizer’s First Citizen award in 2010? The first words out of his mouth when he received the award were thanking the City of Keizer for the opportunity. When you look at who is the face of the City of Keizer? That’s right, it’s Roland.

Roland was fired from his job at the city after 19 plus years. I heard about this and it’s just not right. I think Roland is appealing the city’s decision of firing him and the last thing I want to do is something that will make things worse for him. But this is just not right. I want to concentrate on supporting Roland in any way we can.

A few of Roland’s friends got together and have started a “Friends Supporting Roland” Facebook page. We had a meeting to think of ways to support Roland. We’re trying to show Roland that 19 years of employment with the City of Keizer should not have to end like this. In the case of Roland Herrera I think the city has completely missed the tag.

However, we will have to let that play out in the system we have created. But we can show our support for Roland. We all know that no one is perfect and things do happen; however to treat a 19-year employee like this, well, it’s just not right.

In the months that follow we hope that by showing support for Roland we will remind him what an impact he has had on all of us and that his years here in Keizer have not gone unnoticed. In fact, hopefully it reminds the city of Keizer that we are here and watching. Roland is the city of Keizer’s greatest ambassador and we hope the city gives him the opportunity to continue to serve the citizens of Keizer. Please join me and show your support for Roland, I know he will appreciate it. I am looking forward to seeing all the different ways we can do just that! Let’s get started.

Tom Bauer lives in Keizer.